To whom it may concern:

I love writing letters. When I moved from NYC to Michigan, I would write my friends all the time, and that has given me a strong passion for written correspondence which I still carry with me. I swoon when I see letters and calling cards in movies. I watched "Rebecca" the other day, and seeing her toss about piles of personalized stationary, it was almost painful.

However, I'm betting that most people haven't written a personal letter in years, if ever. E-mail and texting have overtaken the written word. But the thing about e-mail and texts and all that stuff, it just isn't the same as a letter. It doesn't have that same nostalgia. You can't save an e-mail in a shoebox under your bed, and read it again 20 years later. So I thought I might run down the basics of letter writing for those who haven't done so in a while.

There are only a few elements to a personal letter: the heading, the date, the greeting, the body, the closing or farewell, and the signature. That's it.

The heading contains your address and the address of the recipient. You may leave this off more personal correspondence, but for formal letters (and certainly business letters) these elements should always be present. Where to align these is a little controversial.
The date on a personal letter regardless of formality should always be aligned right.
The greeting or salutation is rather formulaic. "Dear Mrs. de Winter," etc. In a formal letter, you should use Dear. On less formal letters, you can be more personal. I start every single letter, "Hi, Soandso!" All business letters should have the greeting end with a colon. For personal letters, a comma suffices.
The body of the letter should have indented paragraphs or space between paragraph. Otherwise, talk about whatever you like.
The closing or farewell is usually "Sincerely," or some such. Always starts with a capital letter. Always ends with a comma. Always aligned with the date (so if the date is aligned right, then guess where this goes). Signature comes directly beneath this. If you signature is illegible, then printed name beneath that (if you haven't put your name in the header). I am told there is a whole etiquette to how you close a letter. Who gets "Sincerely" and who gets "Faithfully" and some other nonsense. I have no idea (and that should tell you how arcane it must be).

And you're done! For your benefit, I'll try to write a little letter here so you can get the idea!

Dr. Churlsun Han
1234 Madeup Lane
Townsville, SB 13579

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Mr. G.F. Maximilian de Winter
Manderlay Estate
Cornwall, England

Dear Maxim,

I was delighted to hear that you've found a new love in your life while vacationing in the south of France. There have been many rumors swirling about what type of lady could catch the eye of Maxim de Winter. She must be very lovely. I have recently spoken with Giles and Beatrice, who relay their whole-hearted approval.

I am sorry to be brief, but I wished to say that I greatly look forward to the festivities, and I hope I should get the chance to meet your bride at that time. Thank you for the generous invitation.

Sincerely yours,

[signature]

Which way does the belt go?

Belt up 3 by sazztastical

Lately, when I was putting on my belt the other day, I noticed that the text on my belt was upside down. I was shocked. I never thought that I was wearing my belt wrong. In fact, I was convinced that I was wearing my belt correctly. So, I sought the approval of official sources.

Sadly, there is next to nothing written on the subject of how to wear a belt correctly. I searched my usual etiquette sources, but couldn't find anything to speak of. In desperation, I searched for military dress codes. The wonderful thing about the military is that everything is covered, down to the last detail.

In reviewing the latest release of the U.S. Army's Wear and Appearance of Army Uniforms and Insignia (Army Regulation 670-1), the Army's take on the belt is that the tipped end should be on the left for men, on the right for women.

Does that make it dogma? Not really. While the Army is quite strict about how its personnel should present themselves, that doesn't make them authoritative in the arena of etiquette and manners. However, it certainly makes me feel better about my belt.

By the way, belt and suspenders together are not okay. One or the other.

Where's your handkerchief?

empty suits by paul goyette

In medical school, I decided that I needed a handkerchief. I consulted my local etiquette expert, who graciously approved of some unadorned, patterned, white, cotton handkerchiefs. Since then, my collection has exploded to 12 or 13 now. I've lost count, as I have also lost a few.

The reasons for carrying around a handkerchief are many in number and elegantly summed up by none other than Miss Manners, but for those who would like my take on it, here it goes.

When I was young, I went to a private school where we wore a blazer every day, and my mom made sure to tuck into my coat pocket a wad of tissues, whether I was sick or not. It took me over a decade to realize that these tissues were not for me, but were to offer to others. A gentleman did not go out into the world without having some sort of tissue product.

In Korea, there is a very pragmatic reason. Most public bathrooms lack both toilet paper and paper towels. Many people in Korea carry around a packet of toilet paper and a handkerchief to dry hands after washing. In the Western world, handkerchiefs are for wiping noses and blotting tears.

The rule is that a gentleman should carry two handkerchiefs. One is for personal use. The other is to offer to others. So, it is a good idea to keep one clean, neatly folded, and easily accessible should the need arise.

Med school was when I realized that people cry a lot, and for many different reasons. Sometimes, it is from sadness, sometimes joy, sometimes allergies. And the tissue, although pragmatic, is a poor substitute on these occasions. Nothing feels more empty than handing someone a box of tissues. It feels much more meaningful to offer a handkerchief, an item so perfectly suited to the task.

So, whenever I see someone crying, I offer them my handkerchief. In my mind, it is the only suitable tool for the wiping of tears. As a result, I have lost several handkerchiefs. I have to admit, it hurts a little to lose one, since the average cotton handkerchief runs about $2-3, but at least I can sleep at night knowing I've done my gentlemanly duties.

RSVP

Wedding invitation by zakwitnij

I will admit right now that I am terrible about RSVP's. Terrible. I usually send mine in late, if at all. The only ones I do in a timely manner are wedding invitations, and that is mainly because weddings require so much planning that I would feel pretty guilty about a late notice.

That being said, it's actually quite rude not to respond to most invitations. I say 'most' because responding is an imposition on you, and often when you did not ask for such a burden. Surely you can't be expected to respond to everything that is presented to you. However, for events where you have been personally invited, it is your duty to respond.

Now, if you've ever been on the other side of the table and been the one sending out the invites, here are a few tips to prepare you for the nightmare to come.

(1) Only about 50% of people will respond to any RSVP, weddings included, whether they are coming or not. This is the truth to life. Try not to browbeat those who did not respond. If you absolutely must know, then perhaps a phone call would be more appropriate.
(2) There will always be someone who tries to 'work' an invitation. For example, on a wedding invitation, you would expect someone to put down either 1 or 2 guests for attendance. There will always be someone who puts down 6. Be prepared to call this person to negotiate something more reasonable.
(3) You should always specify the dress of the event, if you've gone through the trouble of printing invitations. Weddings are usually the only event where level of dress is assumed.
(4) Normally, people will only bring young children if the invitation states that children are welcome. But there will always be those who think that everyone wants to see their kids. If you wish to head this off at the pass, then you can actually say, "No children, please."
(5) Please remember that this is your event, and you should not be made to feel guilty about putting limits or restrictions in place. You are, after all, inviting them!
(6) Unless it is an informal event, please don't use e-vite. I love the service, and it's very handy for little things, but it's horribly tacky for things like weddings and galas.

Hats off to you

I was sitting in the hospital, and I noticed a soldier walking through the building to visit a friend. He was dressed in his fatigues, wearing a cap. Now, I may be wrong about this, but my understanding of military regulations regarding uniforms is that you can't wear your uniform whenever you feel like it. You should be on duty, going to or coming from a military post, or attending a function where your uniform would be expected or required (like a Memorial Day parade, maybe).

Going to the hospital to visit a friend, however laudable, doesn't seem like a decent reason to be in combat fatigues. And then, wearing a hat indoors? Big no no. The only people who can wear a hat indoors are those who are armed (with guns!).

The reason I mention this is because people seem to have forgotten that hats are not proper attire indoors. All the time, people wear baseball caps and cowboy hats indoors, and really, they shouldn't. Now, there are some general ground rules. In a house, a restaurant, a place of worship, or a place of business, a man should always remove a hat. In some 'common areas' a hat may be okay, such as a mall or such, but this is controversy rather than dogma. A convenient way to remember: if there is a coat rack, then it's hats off.

Women may keep their hats on in church, in homes, and I think even during the national anthem. The hat rule is very much a rule for men. But women play by different rules, of which I can only barely comprehend.

I used to think that baseball caps were okay, and that this hat rule thing was archaic and old-timey. However, as I've gotten older, I've realized that taking your hat off is a gesture of civility and respect, because to wear a hat as a man is to hide something, whether that is your intention or not. Only slightly ruder is to wear sunglasses indoors.

I would encourage you, if you favor hats, to follow this rather simple rule, not because someone told you that you should, but because it speaks to your class and civility, and shows that you are a gentleman.