A decent handshake

After living in the Midwest for the past 12 years, I've discovered that there really is a lack of handshaking skill in the heart of the country. I've gotten very few quality handshakes. Now, I don't profess to being an expert. I give a pretty mediocre handshake, but it's never subpar, that's for sure, and I've had the practice. Going to St. Bernard's, every morning my handshake was scrutinized by the Headmaster, and honest to God, if we were deficient, we had to do it over again. Worse yet, it was what I term a rolling handshake. You're walking up to someone then shaking his hand. It's much easier if you're already there...

Anyway, I'm guessing that the most ever dedicated to the art of shaking hands is about 100 words, so I'm going to blow that away. Honestly, it's the way we judge practically every person we meet. It's the initial and perhaps only time we will come into physical contact with another person. It's a big deal. So here you go, my primer on the art of shaking hands.

First, you should be facing the person you are shaking hands with. It doesn't count if you're partially turned or somewhat sideways. If you are going to offer your hand, you should face the person. You should be standing if you are a man. Your feet should be set. A handshake is not something done on the move (which is why the rolling handshake sucks. You have to stop and turn, then go). You should be standing straight, or at least not slouched over. So, you are stopped, facing the person you are greeting, and ready to shake hands.

If the other person is standing as well, you should offer your right hand at navel level, not much lower. Always the right, even if you are left handed. I know this sounds like lefty descrimination, but a handshake is the action of the right hand. If you're lefty and you learned to shake with your left, someone did you a terrible disservice. Don't extend your arm beyond a comfortable reach. The handshake is an act of meeting a person halfway, so you shouldn't stick your arm all the way out. The other person should meet you.

If you're a man, you should offer your hand with the palm vertical. The vertical palm business is tricky. Some women and royals and dignitaries and some socialite type folks will offer you their hand palm down. They are not offering to shake hands. They are offering you their hand. Briefly, you should grasp their fingers in yours and give a light squeeze, and give a slight to modest bow. Do not kiss a hand offered. The only times it is acceptable to kiss a hand offered to you is when it is the hand of a dignitary or royal, or the hand of a woman you plan on marrying or have already done so. Also, bishops and popes and such, but usually, you're kissing a ring. I'm digressing.

A gentleman should not offer his hand palm down. It will either convey you as effeminate or else a snob. It has the definite hint of having a dominant position in the relationship, whereas the handshake is the action of equals. If you are a man, and you are not royalty, you should really always offer your palm vertically and never down.

You should make eye contact. Shaking hands is like dancing. When you dance, you don't look at your feet, you look at your partner. That's dancing. Handshakes are the same. Eye contact is key. You may glance down to ensure that your hands meet, but that's it for looking at the hand. As you extend your hand, you should voice your greeting if appropriate. Greetings should be succinct and last the duration of the handshake. Good morning, good evening, a pleasure to meet you, charmed, it's all good. Try to avoid long greetings.

You should grip the other person's hand such that the meat between the thumb and the index finger of your hand meets the same area of the other person's hand. You don't want to shake fingers; you want to shake hands. Once you have gripped the other hand, do not go limp and do not crush. A firm handshake will speak volumes about you. Most people prefer a more firm shake, so don't be afraid to squeeze a little, but your handshake is not a vice grip.

You should shake the other person's hand up and down twice or three times, then let go. That's it. You want the actual shake to last at the most 3 or 4 seconds. This has quite a bit of cultural variety. Some places prefer a longer, more thorough handshake. I've had people who've taken my hand and shook it for almost a minute. It gets a little awkward. In the US at least, no handshake should last more than a few seconds, at least a standard handshake. Once you've done your shaking, let go and withdraw your hand.

Once the handshake is over, do not wipe your hand and don't stare at your hand. It's rude and it implies that the other person's hand was dirty. Even if it is, don't be so conspicuously rude. You should still be making eye contact. Once your greeting is complete, you may step away. If the handshake is beginning a conversation between standing individuals, you may remain close. If it's an intimate or private conversation, you may keep your handshake grip intact, and lean forward to talk in private.

There are more intimate handshakes of the two handed variety. One is the two handed grip. Once you've initiated a standard handshake, you cup the grip with your left. This is more intimate and isn't to be used with strangers, but with friends. The other is a more 'political' handshake, which is to do a standard shake, but to put your left on the other person's elbow or shoulder. It's one that President GW Bush employs a lot.

Women, especially elder or more genteel ladies, may offer you their hand as described above. Do not shake their hands if they do this. Take their offered hands as I mentioned above. Women do not need to stand to greet someone. You may have a woman sitting who shakes your hand or offers her hand.

Some etiquette: you shouldn't shake hands over a desk. Step around the desk and shake hands. It's the responsibility of the person in authority to walk around his desk and shake hands, then return behind the desk. After shaking hands, that person should show their guest to a seat.

Handshakes are appropriate for more than just greetings. They may be used for congratulations, apologies, partings, and much more. It's worth doing well. If you've come to realize that your own handshake is deficient (as I suspect it is), you should practice giving a good handshake. You may not think people notice these things, but I've gotten into long and detailed discussions about who gives good handshakes before, so it doesn't go without notice. And if you don't believe me, read the description of Scott Cooley in the friends section: best handshake in all of Ohio.